August 27, 2009

A few days have passed since this post. Perhaps it is indicative of the healing taking place. It could also be that I have been preoccupied with other things, or maybe both of these reasons are valid.

Today would have been my wedding anniversary; however, ten years have passed since any of these were celebrated. Now it is just another date. It doesn't trigger a reaction, although it is still early in the day.

Tuesday, I visited a dear friend, and rented a vehicle to do so, as city living doesn't require me to own one. I must admit, the freedom I feel when on the open road may be worth the investment. To prepare for this outing, I paced myself the day before, and yesterday, the after effect necessitated a day of recuperation.

Once again, the reality of another loss, being financial, sets in. During the marriage, some poor business decisions created a financial disaster for my family. What is that saying, "The higher you go, the further you fall", or something like that. We did go far, and we did fall hard.

The stress of that loss took its' toll on both the relationship, and my health. Several losses which occurred simultaneously, or within short periods of one another, became overwhelming. The chronic illness which followed, created another very real financial loss as well, and is one I live with each and every day.

However, once again the strength my mother gave me, my father's common sense, along with great values, being a 'balanced' Libran, and most importantly, my faith, enable me to manage my lifestyle in accordance with my income.

What I miss is the freedom that monetary wealth provides. One day, I hope that recovery will allow me to once again enjoy the ability to earn substantially, and have fun doing it!