Thursday

One of the feelings of grief that is resurfacing, especially now, is loneliness. Not only for my Mom, but also for the comfort of a partner, someone who would unconditionally accept and love me.

Separation and divorce created a major loss in my life. Almost thirty years spent with the same person, left me gasping for air for several years. I could say that the 'after spouse' years were 'lost' years; however, in actuality, they became 'growth' years, and I am in a constant state of flux, learning new things about myself, each and every day. On this day, being held by a partner would be reassuring.

I do not know how long I will drift, and feel in a state of transition. My confidence is shaken, and the waves of grief upset my balance. I only know that all things in the natural, outdoor world, bring me peace, and ground me. That is where I need to be.

The challenge for me, is that I now live in a very large city, surrounded by concrete and people. My adult children live here, and they are the reasons I do as well, for now.

One day at a time is how I live.