Today

Today is a new day. I have begun to declutter my space, and in the process I am hoping to do the same with my life.

I want to allow new people and experiences to enter my realm. Perhaps my drifting will be more enjoyable with like-minded souls.

My mother's photographs are now in their proper places, after many turbulent emotions, and a flood of tears. The sympathy cards are next on my agenda, but not today.

I mentioned last time that I had the first dream of my Mom since her death.

Dreams are fascinating to me. Not only can they be symbolic of various aspects of my life, and reflective of my current feelings; but also, in my experience, prophetic.

Before my Dad died, almost fifteen years ago, I had a dream in which I was transported to another dimension. Here, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, warmth, and light. I felt total, unconditional love, and I did not want to leave. Then I awoke with a start, as I realized that this was where my father was going. Approximately one month later, he died suddenly, in the night.

In my recent dream, I was observing my mother as she stood before me in a room with half a floor. Her back was to the pitfall, and as I opened my mouth to warn her to not back up, she did step back. As she fell into the hole, I reached down, grabbed her arm, and pulled her up onto the floor, as opposed to being pulled down with her.

A feeling of superhuman strength ensued, until I awoke to the realization that I had not been able to save her in reality. I am only human after all, and there are many things I cannot control.

Trusting in a supernatural being, creator of the universe, and having faith that life will unfold naturally, instills a sense of peace; yet, it is a task I work at constantly. My will is so very strong.