Back to Reality

Lately, I have been faced with some difficult facts.

As a writer, I can choose the best time to focus energy on my passion. As a hiker, I can also plan and prepare for the particular type of hike I choose, which is usually one per week or every other week, and take the time I need to recuperate afterward.

The DivorceCare groups I facilitate, as a volunteer at my church, present a different challenge.

The structure of needing to be there each week at the same time on the same evening is proving to be difficult.

Once per week I can plan and prepare before, and take time to recover following the group evening.

However, I am confronted with my loss after each session, the loss of being able to counsel professionally as a vocation. The exhaustion I feel is profound and the emotional effort is depleting my resources.

I find that two groups per year is more than enough for me, and I need to take several months off after facilitating two back-to-back groups.

The reward I feel in helping separated and divorced individuals outweighs the negative effects on my mind and body, and that is what keeps me engaged in this process. My spirit is healed as God leads me to serve others.

I am trying to find additional ways to continue to use my professional expertise within my limits, through writing (unpaid) articles related to 'break-ups', just as I am attempting to discover my physical boundaries in hiking.

The irony is that in each of these activities, as they help me to grieve the loss of my mother, the losses of my health and career become more self-evident.

I have no reserves left for other mundane but necessary tasks.

The withdrawals of my energy are beginning to exceed the deposits, and I need to re-evaluate my priorities and find my balance.