Escapism

As this date marks the five month anniversary of my mother's death, it is important for me to write here today.

After a one week 'escape' in a beautiful setting, I have come home to realize that even though I am now relaxed and ready to prepare for Christmas, my grief remains. I cannot really escape from the pain, only delay my reaction to it.

This day is cloudy and cool, which has a way of eliciting a teary feeling from me. Nostalgic Christmas music provides a melancholy background.

My siblings and family will gather this weekend to have an early celebration. Without my Mom at the centre, I am unsure how we each will relate and react. It will unfold naturally, of that I am certain.

I have just learned that my Christmas Day might not be as full as I had hoped, this first year without my Mom, and without both of my parents.

My children will be with their father and his second family for their dinner Christmas Eve, and the drive back the next day is unpredictable at this time of year. I will cook my traditional dinner and hope for the best.

Another 'escape' comes to mind, although I know my feelings and thoughts follow me wherever I go. A friend is travelling on Christmas Day and I am tempted to join her for the week.

However, 'escapism' is only temporary.

It is time for me to use my own grief to help others cope with the holidays.

Those who have experienced similar losses understand one another as others cannot.

My grief healing journey can be viewed as a gift to be passed on to others in their quest for relief. It is my responsibility to use it wisely.