A New Year

With seven days into the new year/decade, I would have thought I'd have the sympathy cards put away by now.

Wrong; I still haven't looked at them where they lay on my mother's desk, which is the one piece of furniture I wanted.

She sat in that chair, wrote notes on that desk. It is comforting to have these solid reminders here in my space.

She also ate ice cream while sitting at that desk, and I am having difficulty removing the dried droplets without damaging the wood!! At 88 years of age her eyesight wasn't the best!

I do find my happy memories flood my mind more than tears do my eyes these days. Although at times I still think of her as being alive and find myself almost calling to talk to her.

Sometimes I scold myself for not remembering the emotions I felt the day she died. Perhaps if I recount the details aloud one day, the pain will rush back. For now, I am convincing myself it is healthy to feel better and let the guilt go.