Balance in the midst of Stress

As the excitement of the Olympic games continues in Vancouver, with spring-like conditions, other areas of the world are experiencing devastating weather.

The Portuguese island of Madeira is one such place with flooding and mudslides, creating disaster.

A Canadian tall ship sank off the coast of Brazil last week after experiencing rough seas caused by a 'microburst'.

Numerous high school students, who were learning to sail, were aboard, and miraculously they all survived, being quickly rescued from life rafts by the Brazilians.

I would certainly hope that these 42 youth would have received some critical incident stress debriefing, in order to help them avert later post traumatic stress which could affect the remainder of their lives.

As stress is a topic I will be exploring in my next break-up article, and in light of what has been reported in the news recently, I would like to mention it here as well.

In the past few weeks there have been some very stressful occurrences perpetrated by people, not weather.

I wrote about one such event in my blog post article entitled 'Betrayal', regarding the colonel wing commander in the Canadian military who was charged with unspeakable crimes.

Another critical incident which occurred last week was caused by an individual who commited suicide in Austin, Texas when he flew his small plane into an IRS building. Thank God the loss of life wasn't as disastrous as it could have been.

This man reportedly set his home on fire with his wife and a child inside, before carrying out the act he planned to do, as evidenced in an online letter.

When individuals carry out acts of terror affecting so many lives, it leaves a question mark regarding any signs others might have missed, that could have prevented such horror, and perhaps helped the persons involved to alleviate their own mental anguish.

However, feeling guilt for being unable to forsee or assist those involved is also destructive for the ones closest to the situation.

There are countless examples of stressful events occurring everyday, some of which hit home closer than others. All can become overwhelming if I dwell on them.

In fact, several years ago numerous stressors in my own personal life caused havoc for me when I did not deal with them as they occurred, but rather tried to be 'strong' and carry on in spite of them.

The burden eventually weighed me down and wore me down to the point of illness. Recovery has been ongoing and very successful until the setback of my mother's death.

Now I am starting to get back to the point where I was before she died, and need to practise daily stress management to move forward.

Sometimes I just have to turn off the news, and turn my focus to positive, nurturing and uplifting activities, creating them in my own life, and observing them in the lives of others.

Once again balance is key, as well as an attitude of gratitude, to help me to not only continue, but to 'enjoy the ride' on my journey.

Family Day

February 15th is the seventh month anniversary of the death of my mother, and coincidentally, Family Day, which prompts me to write here today.

It is also the day Canadians celebrate after Bilodeau received our first gold medal in the Olympic games in Vancouver last night, and the first gold on Canadian soil. A very proud feeling indeed for our Canadian family!

This year Family Day falls on the day after Valentine's Day (V-Day), which was a wonderful day of camaraderie for me as well.

Naturally bundled for the cold, hiking a good distance with fast-paced walking in ravines and parks interspersed with city sidewalks, met my need for outdoor activity and socialization yesterday.

After a rather melancholy week with memories of Mom leading up to V-Day, it felt good to celebrate my femaleness with other women and men on the trail.

Sharing my dark chocolate Hershey kisses with them all was a sweet treat!

Serenity

Another bright, sunny, cold, snowless day!

The opening Olympic ceremony takes place this evening in Vancouver where the weather is creating uncertainty as well.

That part of the country has always had mild winters, although the mountains are usually snow-covered!

This season is unpredictable in most parts of the world.

My own season of life seems to be mirroring this state.

I find myself faced with decision-making that I have been successful in avoiding until now.

My sleep, which is tenuous anyway, is being affected more than ordinarily, with thoughts running through my mind forcing me to take a look at all aspects of my life.

I prefer to live one day at a time focused on finding the positive in each moment, yet my subconscious as well as conscious mind is telling me to plan ahead, to make good decisions for myself.

The turmoil I feel is creating anxiety which in turn affects my sleep and consequently everything else. Logically I know that.

The serenity prayer comes to mind again, asking God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Let go and let God not only give me the answers, but the ability to listen, to hear and to follow. . .

Betrayal

Along with all Canadians, I am reeling from the news that one of our most elite military commanders has been charged with rape and murder.

I know that one is presumed innocent until proven guilty, and my heart goes out to his wife and any other family members.

In spite of that, I can't help but think that the investigative police involved would not arrest such a high profile Canadian without some pretty substantive proof.

The only word that keeps recurring in my mind, other than the unknown why, is betrayal.

Trust in our military leaders, those who are entrusted with the duty and privilege of keeping us safe, especially in these times of terror and war, is a given. That is no longer a valid assumption.

It makes me question how I can trust anyone, as I recall what my father, who also served in the air force during WWII, told me when I was young. "You can't trust anyone but yourself."

I always thought this was a cynical outlook, especially coming from my Dad, the person I trusted more than anyone, and who throughout my life showed his total love and commitment to my mother, his marriage, our family, and his friends.

Now I have to wonder if he had it right all along, and was only imparting the wisdom of what he had learned on his life's journey. However, I never lost my trust in him as he never let me down.

Waves wash over me once again as I find myself floating back through time.

My days of drifting, which had begun to feel normal, even comfortable, have encountered rough water.

I feel as though I have been temporarily thrown off my journey's course.

My inner compass of faith, hope, and most importantly love, I will trust to reposition me on the path to harmony and balance.

One step forward and two steps back

On the first day of February there is still no snow! Arctic wind chill in the minus digits without the white ground cover. A very unusual winter so far.

And just when I thought I was able to keep my tears for private weeping, surprise, surprise!! When I least expected it, I became teary-eyed and choked- up in public. I literally could not speak.

Sitting and chatting with my hair stylist, whom I hadn't seen this year before Saturday, the waves of grief hit me hard.

Before I knew what was happening, my eyes filled to the brim, and if I had opened my mouth to answer his question, I knew my grief would overwhelm me.

So I sat there, mouth quivering, eyes of saltwater, slowly dissolving as he tried to soothe me, rubbing my back, which only made me feel more like the little girl I had become.

He had only queried how my Christmas was, the first without my mother.

Needless to say, he had his answer. And so did I. Then some laughter, and back to normal.

The strong woman reappeared as quickly as the child withdrew.

My grief healing journey includes a dance along the way. . . .