One step forward and two steps back

On the first day of February there is still no snow! Arctic wind chill in the minus digits without the white ground cover. A very unusual winter so far.

And just when I thought I was able to keep my tears for private weeping, surprise, surprise!! When I least expected it, I became teary-eyed and choked- up in public. I literally could not speak.

Sitting and chatting with my hair stylist, whom I hadn't seen this year before Saturday, the waves of grief hit me hard.

Before I knew what was happening, my eyes filled to the brim, and if I had opened my mouth to answer his question, I knew my grief would overwhelm me.

So I sat there, mouth quivering, eyes of saltwater, slowly dissolving as he tried to soothe me, rubbing my back, which only made me feel more like the little girl I had become.

He had only queried how my Christmas was, the first without my mother.

Needless to say, he had his answer. And so did I. Then some laughter, and back to normal.

The strong woman reappeared as quickly as the child withdrew.

My grief healing journey includes a dance along the way. . . .