A rainy Monday morning seems a good time to write in my blog.
Recently I learned that another brother's marriage has become a casualty of separation.
It seems the 'D' word is getting us from the eldest down, all after 25 years plus of marriage.
My parents would 'roll over in their graves' as the saying goes.
They enjoyed a fifty year marriage before my father died, which makes me wonder what the likelihood of 3 of 4 of their children divorcing means statistically in the general population.
One in two marriages is closer to that number. Three in four is high, thank God!
What is happening in our society, but more specifically in my family of origin, I ask myself.
Having a 'keen analytical mind', as a former post-graduate professor described mine in a past letter of reference, I wonder about these things.
When I examine the timing of my first sibling's separation, it occurred after the deaths of my Dad and my brother's eldest child.
My own then followed after these deaths, and the loss of a business coupled with my diagnosis of illness.
Now a younger brother's marriage is ending less than nine months after the death of my mother.
Loss and grief appears to be at least one of the catalysts in the dissolution of a long-term relationship.
Now that would be an excellent thesis research exploration!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Spring to Winter
The vernal or spring equinox arrived March 20th ushering in winter cold temperatures again, just in time to welcome travellers home!
Last week, which was 'March break' for schoolchildren and teachers alike, gave those who did not get away a wonderful taste of warm spring weather.
On the weekend those sporting deeply tanned faces, bundled in winter coats, were probably wishing they could turn back the clock one more week or at least a few days to continue soaking in those awesome southern rays!
I recall the days when my own children were school-aged. Each winter the spring break became a ritual family getaway.
For several of those years we owned two homes and were fortunate to frequent the south throughout all twelve months. Whether we drove or flew we always kept a vehicle at each location.
Those days are long gone.
Even though the sweet memories remain, I would not wish to turn back the clock.
Every season of life has its own special moments of beauty, and this stage is one that I am enjoying.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
The present moment is all that we have and gifts are to be enjoyed, no matter what the weather . . . .
Last week, which was 'March break' for schoolchildren and teachers alike, gave those who did not get away a wonderful taste of warm spring weather.
On the weekend those sporting deeply tanned faces, bundled in winter coats, were probably wishing they could turn back the clock one more week or at least a few days to continue soaking in those awesome southern rays!
I recall the days when my own children were school-aged. Each winter the spring break became a ritual family getaway.
For several of those years we owned two homes and were fortunate to frequent the south throughout all twelve months. Whether we drove or flew we always kept a vehicle at each location.
Those days are long gone.
Even though the sweet memories remain, I would not wish to turn back the clock.
Every season of life has its own special moments of beauty, and this stage is one that I am enjoying.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
The present moment is all that we have and gifts are to be enjoyed, no matter what the weather . . . .
Monday, March 15, 2010
Hope springs Eternal
My dearest Mom, I miss you. We all do. Each of us grieves our loss of you in our own way.
8 months ago today I was with you when you took your last breath on this planet; as your spirit peacefully transitioned to the unseen and unknown infinity.
I felt you leave, unlike when Dad died more suddenly.
You were there. Although your shock numbed your memory for several months after; perhaps years, as your eldest grandson also died within ten months of your husband, leaving you unable to accept that reality. You preferred to think of my godson as being 'away'.
One minute Dad was here and then when we saw his body next, it was just a shell. His spirit had left without our presence to witness his departure.
This past weekend the clocks 'sprung' forward as we ushered in daylight savings time.
I recall your earthly clocks did not transition forward so easily, and inevitably one of us was enlisted to do the deed for you.
Spring is almost here and is teasing us in this month of March. I almost feel certain we will have one more taste of winter before the signs of rebirth show themselves. Time will tell, as it always does.
The only constant in this life is change.
So much has changed since you left, although I feel certain you already know that.
I have an inner peace knowing you are reunited with all of the loving souls you missed so much while in this realm.
Your granddaughters; my children, dream of you sometimes. They tell me that you and Dad are enjoying the freedom together to roam and fly, not afforded you here on earth, especially in your latter years.
As the next season soon begins revealing the renewal of all living things, I will look forward to roaming the earth to witness these inevitable signs of revival.
Being in and observing nature in the 'Spring', my favourite season in life, will keep the 'hope' alive in my soul that I will see you again when it is my turn to leave earth in the 'eternal' cycle of life.
8 months ago today I was with you when you took your last breath on this planet; as your spirit peacefully transitioned to the unseen and unknown infinity.
I felt you leave, unlike when Dad died more suddenly.
You were there. Although your shock numbed your memory for several months after; perhaps years, as your eldest grandson also died within ten months of your husband, leaving you unable to accept that reality. You preferred to think of my godson as being 'away'.
One minute Dad was here and then when we saw his body next, it was just a shell. His spirit had left without our presence to witness his departure.
This past weekend the clocks 'sprung' forward as we ushered in daylight savings time.
I recall your earthly clocks did not transition forward so easily, and inevitably one of us was enlisted to do the deed for you.
Spring is almost here and is teasing us in this month of March. I almost feel certain we will have one more taste of winter before the signs of rebirth show themselves. Time will tell, as it always does.
The only constant in this life is change.
So much has changed since you left, although I feel certain you already know that.
I have an inner peace knowing you are reunited with all of the loving souls you missed so much while in this realm.
Your granddaughters; my children, dream of you sometimes. They tell me that you and Dad are enjoying the freedom together to roam and fly, not afforded you here on earth, especially in your latter years.
As the next season soon begins revealing the renewal of all living things, I will look forward to roaming the earth to witness these inevitable signs of revival.
Being in and observing nature in the 'Spring', my favourite season in life, will keep the 'hope' alive in my soul that I will see you again when it is my turn to leave earth in the 'eternal' cycle of life.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Life is Unfair
It's happening again, another loss. This one is not directly mine, yet my being is filled with sadness.
My grief memories and feelings are triggered. These waves are relentless.
I did have the privilege of meeting this wonderful, loving, courageous young soul and his family, in January, at the engagement party I mentioned in an earlier post.
He lived and fought for his life for some years with a brain tumor, and he valiantly tried to not leave his lovely young family too soon.
Life is so unfair, especially when our youth are taken in their prime. That saying, 'only the good die young', certainly applies to this individual.
I need to cleanse my soul today, so that I can be strong tomorrow for my own daughters, and the special friend and her family-to-be, who have lost their son, brother, husband and father.
I have chosen to rent a vehicle and drive the few hours on a day which promises to be another sunny and even warmer one. That will give me time to settle my grief and focus before I arrive at the funeral.
Then I can be alone with my thoughts on the way home afterward. If I plan my strategy to cope, hopefully I can carry it to fruition.
This is another time when my own soul mate, would he were with me, could envelop me in the safe comfort of his own being.
Sunday, I will relish the opportunity to ferry across the lake and hike the Toronto Islands, in order to shake these waves of grief from me.
If I just keep moving . . . .
My grief memories and feelings are triggered. These waves are relentless.
I did have the privilege of meeting this wonderful, loving, courageous young soul and his family, in January, at the engagement party I mentioned in an earlier post.
He lived and fought for his life for some years with a brain tumor, and he valiantly tried to not leave his lovely young family too soon.
Life is so unfair, especially when our youth are taken in their prime. That saying, 'only the good die young', certainly applies to this individual.
I need to cleanse my soul today, so that I can be strong tomorrow for my own daughters, and the special friend and her family-to-be, who have lost their son, brother, husband and father.
I have chosen to rent a vehicle and drive the few hours on a day which promises to be another sunny and even warmer one. That will give me time to settle my grief and focus before I arrive at the funeral.
Then I can be alone with my thoughts on the way home afterward. If I plan my strategy to cope, hopefully I can carry it to fruition.
This is another time when my own soul mate, would he were with me, could envelop me in the safe comfort of his own being.
Sunday, I will relish the opportunity to ferry across the lake and hike the Toronto Islands, in order to shake these waves of grief from me.
If I just keep moving . . . .
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Life's Challenges
As March comes in like a 'lamb', I have to wonder if it will go out like a 'lion'.
Time will tell.
As Joannie Rochette returns home from her courageous medal-winning performance at the Vancouver Olympic games, my heart goes out to her, as I know her grief healing journey has just begun.
She is young to go through life's important moments without her mother at her side.
I hope she will have her father with her well into her own senior years.
Each of us has something challenging in life to deal with, and some of us seem to have more than our 'fair share' of difficulties.
That is exactly the point. Life is unfair. For that very reason, we need to be fair to ourselves. That might mean something different for each of us.
For me it involves indulging and balancing two of my passions on at least a weekly basis.
Writing and hiking to the neglect of other things is being fair to myself.
Finding my passion, what brings me joy and inner peace, ultimately eases my journey through life's challenges.
Time will tell.
As Joannie Rochette returns home from her courageous medal-winning performance at the Vancouver Olympic games, my heart goes out to her, as I know her grief healing journey has just begun.
She is young to go through life's important moments without her mother at her side.
I hope she will have her father with her well into her own senior years.
Each of us has something challenging in life to deal with, and some of us seem to have more than our 'fair share' of difficulties.
That is exactly the point. Life is unfair. For that very reason, we need to be fair to ourselves. That might mean something different for each of us.
For me it involves indulging and balancing two of my passions on at least a weekly basis.
Writing and hiking to the neglect of other things is being fair to myself.
Finding my passion, what brings me joy and inner peace, ultimately eases my journey through life's challenges.
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