An ‘earlier than September in the UK’ opportunity has presented itself that I have decided to seize.
One of the hiking leaders with a group I enjoy organizes a two week trip to East Sussex in England in the latter part of May each year.
When she first advised me of her annual trek, during a hike last Labour Day weekend, I studied the brochure she gave me entitled, ‘Spring Time in England’, which mentioned several enticing features and sightseeing destinations.
I put it on the desk, beside the sympathy cards.
Occasionally I would pick it up, examine it, and put it down again.
I did not have the daily itinerary at that time, yet something inexplicable was telling me to seriously consider this opportunity.
I now have done so, and I am extending my trip by arriving earlier than the group will, enabling me to spend some time near and in London as well.
Travelling this far, as well as experiencing old world history, necessitates at least one day exploring ‘that’ royal city!
My friend is thankfully able to accommodate me for these few extra days, and I will be able to visit with him while enjoying some of the British sights.
I hope to visit Dover on my ‘free’ day, as this is the port my father’s ancestors emigrated from.
They were sailors which would explain my affinity to the sea, and my yearning to learn how to sail as a crew member; not just a passenger.
That history is interesting as well.
It seems my father’s paternal heritage can be traced back to the Normans in France, and even further back to the Scandinavians who invaded Normandy ages ago.
With the Norman conquest of England, my French ancestors intermarried with the English and settled in Dover.
My paternal great-grandfather’s relatives then immigrated to Wolfe Island and onward to Kingsville and surrounding areas in southern Ontario.
Many of my distant relatives still live on this largest of the Thousand Islands, that forms a natural boundary at the entrance to the St. Lawrence River between Canadian and United States shores, as well as inhabit the small adjacent Simcoe Island.
The rest is (my) ‘history’ as the saying goes . . .
I have recently learned that one of my treks in England will be with a local hiking club to the ‘area Hastings 1066 and all that’ as the description reads.
I will experience firsthand the soil where The Battle of Hastings, which took place on 14 October 1066, and was the decisive Norman victory in the Norman Conquest of England, was fought, between the Norman army of Duke William II of Normandy and the English army of King Harold II.[1] The battle took place at Senlac Hill, approximately 6 miles northwest of Hastings, close to the present-day town of Battle, East Sussex.
Yes, there is something beckoning me to this place.
Intuitively I am being led there…
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
History in the Making Part I
Here I sit at the computer while my nephew, his bride, many of my relatives along with my daughters are all in the Mayan Riviera at an upscale resort, soaking in the sun and enjoying the sea as well as the local tequila &/or perhaps corona with lime.
The wedding takes place today, and I sent my love-filled wishes in a card and gift with my younger brother to give to his son and new daughter-in-law.
It is coincidental that I was ill and unable to fly without consequence.
I hope to visit the newlyweds, perhaps at the end of this summer. My nephew told me he is marrying his ‘soul mate’. He and I share that belief.
If the wedding had taken place in the west, I would have planned to attend, as when I travel there I will also be able to visit my mother’s elderly sisters.
In this current economic climate and stage in my life, I must choose my travel destinations as wisely as possible, without guilt.
When I can use loyalty reward miles, as travel to all destinations in Canada and the United States allows me, I am more likely to take advantage of these trips.
If I can combine a visit to unknown places with or to see people I know, I feel blessed.
As I have never travelled further east across the Atlantic than to Newfoundland, I believe it is time for me to bridge that particular gap.
I had been thinking of going to the UK in September, and would have combined the trip with a visit to a good friend, who is living and working near London for one year.
He has very kindly extended an open invitation to all of his family and friends while he is there.
I met this individual when we were both participants in a divorcecare group, before I became a facilitator.
We know details about each other’s lives that could only be learned that quickly based on the trust and confidentiality that is necessarily written and signed as a contract in a support group such as this.
I only have two platonic male friends, who I believe would do anything for me, and this man is one of those.
The other will soon be married to another of my very good friends, and it is through her that I met him.
She and I were participants in a women’s support group when both of us had recently separated, more than ten years ago, before our divorces.
As kindred spirits, our friendship blossomed quickly.
The topic of male-female friendships is an interesting and sometimes complex one, which I will discuss in another post.
Part II of this post will follow . . .
The wedding takes place today, and I sent my love-filled wishes in a card and gift with my younger brother to give to his son and new daughter-in-law.
It is coincidental that I was ill and unable to fly without consequence.
I hope to visit the newlyweds, perhaps at the end of this summer. My nephew told me he is marrying his ‘soul mate’. He and I share that belief.
If the wedding had taken place in the west, I would have planned to attend, as when I travel there I will also be able to visit my mother’s elderly sisters.
In this current economic climate and stage in my life, I must choose my travel destinations as wisely as possible, without guilt.
When I can use loyalty reward miles, as travel to all destinations in Canada and the United States allows me, I am more likely to take advantage of these trips.
If I can combine a visit to unknown places with or to see people I know, I feel blessed.
As I have never travelled further east across the Atlantic than to Newfoundland, I believe it is time for me to bridge that particular gap.
I had been thinking of going to the UK in September, and would have combined the trip with a visit to a good friend, who is living and working near London for one year.
He has very kindly extended an open invitation to all of his family and friends while he is there.
I met this individual when we were both participants in a divorcecare group, before I became a facilitator.
We know details about each other’s lives that could only be learned that quickly based on the trust and confidentiality that is necessarily written and signed as a contract in a support group such as this.
I only have two platonic male friends, who I believe would do anything for me, and this man is one of those.
The other will soon be married to another of my very good friends, and it is through her that I met him.
She and I were participants in a women’s support group when both of us had recently separated, more than ten years ago, before our divorces.
As kindred spirits, our friendship blossomed quickly.
The topic of male-female friendships is an interesting and sometimes complex one, which I will discuss in another post.
Part II of this post will follow . . .
Life's Lessons Learned
When unwell, television seems a viable entertainment option.
'Mona Lisa Smile', starring Julia Roberts, was worth viewing Saturday night.
This story takes place in 1954, at Wellesley, a girl's college in New England, where women were, at that time, being 'groomed' to be wives! No pun intended.
Women teachers who encouraged young women to pursue their education and subsequent professional careers were considered to be 'subversive'.
Protocol, manners, caring for husbands and nurturing their careers were on the agenda and the norm.
Sounds familiar, even though I was only a pre-schooler that year.
I, being a female 'baby boomer', was raised in an era by a mother who did teach me to cater to the men in my life, and assist them with their aspirations while stifling my own desires.
At the same time she showed me her discomfort with this role, and encouraged my education, although she would have preferred for me to become a 'hospital dietitian' or remain a 'nurse' rather than pursue a post graduate degree.
I recall my Mom referring to my own smile as being similar to that in the famous Leonardo da Vinci portrait of the 'Mona Lisa'.
Those were the days before I opened my mouth to show my genuine 'tooth' smile!
Women like me were of the 'in-between' generation, the daughters of traditional mothers and wives, and the mothers whose own daughters would choose career and motherhood, but not simultaneously.
When one strives to be the 'best' wife, mother, professional, and individual all of the time, at the same time, something has to 'give'.
Mothers are usually the parents who feel guilt the most when faced with a choice of whether to put career or family first.
I found when I put my career ahead of parenting, I needed to hire a 'wife'.
This was a woman who could take care of my children, do housework, including the laundry, and prepare meals which would be waiting for me and my husband when we arrived home from work.
I did not work full-time more than several months when my children were pre-schoolers, as I just could not reconcile someone else raising them in their formative years.
I was fortunate in that I could afford the luxury of working around their school hours when they were a little older.
My previous posts have addressed all of the personal losses I endured as a result of assuming a conflicted 'superwoman' role.
My daughters, on the other hand, are actively pursuing their careers before marriage and or motherhood. They are independent, self-sufficient women who would like to have a family one day.
I would like that for them as well.
As for me, I have learned how to take care of myself, enjoy my life, and live successfully alone as a single, separate, unique and whole individual.
I no longer need a relationship with a man to define me. I know, like and love the woman I am. I will never allow myself to be 'lost' in a man's goals again.
I would, however, enjoy being in a relationship with the man I choose who complements me, creating and pursuing common goals together with me, while continuing the pursuit of our own separate, individual aspirations in life.
I believe that compatible partners sharing highs and lows, along with accepting and encouraging one another makes life's journey both satisfying and exciting.
To build this life with my 'soul mate' is worth the wait ...
'Mona Lisa Smile', starring Julia Roberts, was worth viewing Saturday night.
This story takes place in 1954, at Wellesley, a girl's college in New England, where women were, at that time, being 'groomed' to be wives! No pun intended.
Women teachers who encouraged young women to pursue their education and subsequent professional careers were considered to be 'subversive'.
Protocol, manners, caring for husbands and nurturing their careers were on the agenda and the norm.
Sounds familiar, even though I was only a pre-schooler that year.
I, being a female 'baby boomer', was raised in an era by a mother who did teach me to cater to the men in my life, and assist them with their aspirations while stifling my own desires.
At the same time she showed me her discomfort with this role, and encouraged my education, although she would have preferred for me to become a 'hospital dietitian' or remain a 'nurse' rather than pursue a post graduate degree.
I recall my Mom referring to my own smile as being similar to that in the famous Leonardo da Vinci portrait of the 'Mona Lisa'.
Those were the days before I opened my mouth to show my genuine 'tooth' smile!
Women like me were of the 'in-between' generation, the daughters of traditional mothers and wives, and the mothers whose own daughters would choose career and motherhood, but not simultaneously.
When one strives to be the 'best' wife, mother, professional, and individual all of the time, at the same time, something has to 'give'.
Mothers are usually the parents who feel guilt the most when faced with a choice of whether to put career or family first.
I found when I put my career ahead of parenting, I needed to hire a 'wife'.
This was a woman who could take care of my children, do housework, including the laundry, and prepare meals which would be waiting for me and my husband when we arrived home from work.
I did not work full-time more than several months when my children were pre-schoolers, as I just could not reconcile someone else raising them in their formative years.
I was fortunate in that I could afford the luxury of working around their school hours when they were a little older.
My previous posts have addressed all of the personal losses I endured as a result of assuming a conflicted 'superwoman' role.
My daughters, on the other hand, are actively pursuing their careers before marriage and or motherhood. They are independent, self-sufficient women who would like to have a family one day.
I would like that for them as well.
As for me, I have learned how to take care of myself, enjoy my life, and live successfully alone as a single, separate, unique and whole individual.
I no longer need a relationship with a man to define me. I know, like and love the woman I am. I will never allow myself to be 'lost' in a man's goals again.
I would, however, enjoy being in a relationship with the man I choose who complements me, creating and pursuing common goals together with me, while continuing the pursuit of our own separate, individual aspirations in life.
I believe that compatible partners sharing highs and lows, along with accepting and encouraging one another makes life's journey both satisfying and exciting.
To build this life with my 'soul mate' is worth the wait ...
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Vulnerability
Lately, various friends have been ill with cold viruses, and I had been determined not to succumb as well.
My body has different ideas and I find myself nursing a sore throat, fever, and fatigue that precedes a full-blown illness.
The unfortunate timing will prevent me from co-facilitating the divorcecare group tonight, as I will not expose anyone else to this.
Allowing myself permission to 'vegetate' and heal, without guilt, has been a lifelong lesson for me to learn.
The 'caregiver' in me, after years of caring for family, friends and clients, is now directed at myself.
As a child, and sometimes as an adult, I would rely on my mother to provide her healing touch with her own special remedies.
Just the knowledge that she cared for me and showed me her love in this way was enough for me to feel safe and secure.
In later years, role reversal became necessary with her declining health.
This is the first time I recall having a 'cold' since her death.
I also remember times, as a young mother and wife, that I would only become ill on Mother's Day or my birthday, as if the pampering on these days could only be justified if I was unwell.
I was the 'strong' one who was the 'caregiver'. I felt my family could not afford for me to be 'vulnerable' or 'weak'.
Now 'I' am my only 'caregiver', and paradoxically, the vulnerability I feel is what provides me the strength to take care of myself . . .
My body has different ideas and I find myself nursing a sore throat, fever, and fatigue that precedes a full-blown illness.
The unfortunate timing will prevent me from co-facilitating the divorcecare group tonight, as I will not expose anyone else to this.
Allowing myself permission to 'vegetate' and heal, without guilt, has been a lifelong lesson for me to learn.
The 'caregiver' in me, after years of caring for family, friends and clients, is now directed at myself.
As a child, and sometimes as an adult, I would rely on my mother to provide her healing touch with her own special remedies.
Just the knowledge that she cared for me and showed me her love in this way was enough for me to feel safe and secure.
In later years, role reversal became necessary with her declining health.
This is the first time I recall having a 'cold' since her death.
I also remember times, as a young mother and wife, that I would only become ill on Mother's Day or my birthday, as if the pampering on these days could only be justified if I was unwell.
I was the 'strong' one who was the 'caregiver'. I felt my family could not afford for me to be 'vulnerable' or 'weak'.
Now 'I' am my only 'caregiver', and paradoxically, the vulnerability I feel is what provides me the strength to take care of myself . . .
Spring Hike Delight
Sunday did turn into a perfectly sunny, spring-hiking adventure, revealing Ontario's flower in all her wondrous glory!The pictures I captured of the falls, serpentine cedar trunks, and trilliums only added to a very full day on the trails with like-minded hikers.
My decision to wait one more day for this particular trek was a good one.
The length and terrain, while ambitious for me, proved positively that my strengthening exercises are bearing fruit.
Monday being one of rest was well worth the sights, smells and sounds in the woods by streams and waterfall the day before.
My soul is well-fed . . .
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Creativity
Being a cooler day, after wonderful spring temperatures yesterday, I decided to postpone my hiking and focus on my writing.
Rain was predicted today although I haven't seen any, other than the occasional indoor variety when my eyes overbrim with thoughts of loss.
Hopefully, the forecast proves to be accurate with a warmer day for Hilton Falls tomorrow.
I am readying myself for a lengthy trek with strengthening exercises, so that I will be prepared for wooded and waterfall terrain. I will have my camera at the ready as well.
My cathedral will be outdoors where I can connect to the creator in nature.
Today I transferred all of my break-up advice articles to my blog, at www.judypriceiswriting.com, and will be writing and posting them there, where they belong, as they are my creation.
It is time to claim my creativity and professional talent as the gift it is.
I do believe that is what my creator is asking me to do as I continue on life's journey.
Rain was predicted today although I haven't seen any, other than the occasional indoor variety when my eyes overbrim with thoughts of loss.
Hopefully, the forecast proves to be accurate with a warmer day for Hilton Falls tomorrow.
I am readying myself for a lengthy trek with strengthening exercises, so that I will be prepared for wooded and waterfall terrain. I will have my camera at the ready as well.
My cathedral will be outdoors where I can connect to the creator in nature.
Today I transferred all of my break-up advice articles to my blog, at www.judypriceiswriting.com, and will be writing and posting them there, where they belong, as they are my creation.
It is time to claim my creativity and professional talent as the gift it is.
I do believe that is what my creator is asking me to do as I continue on life's journey.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Levity
Thought I would add a little levity to my life today, in keeping with the decision I made yesterday to allow my 'air' sign to express itself.
As this is the nine month anniversary of my mother's death, I began thinking of some other important occasions in my life that have taken that amount of time.
Thankfully most of these are happy ones!
The births of my children took nine months even though total gestation, I'm told, takes ten.
The house where I raised my children took nine months to build, as did the vacation home we enjoyed in the south.
Sadly, the demise of the business also happened during a nine month timeframe, as this was the deadline to receive the project financing to move forward.
Unfortunately this became an overly ambitious endeavour, given that the banking financial crisis was occurring simultaneously.
With a new chapter unfolding, I am hopeful that the next nine months will produce the fruits of my labour in my creative journey.
As this is the nine month anniversary of my mother's death, I began thinking of some other important occasions in my life that have taken that amount of time.
Thankfully most of these are happy ones!
The births of my children took nine months even though total gestation, I'm told, takes ten.
The house where I raised my children took nine months to build, as did the vacation home we enjoyed in the south.
Sadly, the demise of the business also happened during a nine month timeframe, as this was the deadline to receive the project financing to move forward.
Unfortunately this became an overly ambitious endeavour, given that the banking financial crisis was occurring simultaneously.
With a new chapter unfolding, I am hopeful that the next nine months will produce the fruits of my labour in my creative journey.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
New Moon
I'm told there is a new moon tonight with the end of one chapter where another begins.
Once again my life seems to mirror the state of the planetary changes.
Just when I decide to move forward in one direction, life has other plans, and I find myself spinning off my axis.
My drifting this time is not only without my anchor but also without my rudder.
I feel lost and it hurts to be in this place.
The earth that grounds me as I walk in nature, now conjures memories of hope.
I need to take to the sky; the heavens far above the sea beckon me.
The earth will always have its place as I am of 'clay'.
It is my ethereal spirit that leads me on my way.
Once again my life seems to mirror the state of the planetary changes.
Just when I decide to move forward in one direction, life has other plans, and I find myself spinning off my axis.
My drifting this time is not only without my anchor but also without my rudder.
I feel lost and it hurts to be in this place.
The earth that grounds me as I walk in nature, now conjures memories of hope.
I need to take to the sky; the heavens far above the sea beckon me.
The earth will always have its place as I am of 'clay'.
It is my ethereal spirit that leads me on my way.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Uncertainty
Snow flurries fell from the sky today! A chill is in the air.
Mother nature is fooling us this month, as it is normally April 'showers' that bring May flowers.
Now that spring hikes had begun for me, this feels like a step backward, which I hope is only temporary.
I need to be surrounded by nature as I feel the waves of grief resurfacing.
Melancholy feelings are conjured with this change in the weather, and with the realization that the nine month anniversary of my mother's death will soon be here.
The sympathy cards are still on her desk. I'm just not ready to lay them to rest. Lately, I have been strong and it hurts to give in to the grief.
Socializing with friends, both new and old, while enjoyable, as it was this evening, cannot seem to sustain my spirit when I then return home to be alone.
Unpredictability, when it is negative, is never welcomed.
The weather is not in my control.
Other people's actions are not in my control.
I can only be responsible for my own behaviour and how I respond to others.
I was always of the belief that 'actions' speak louder than words, yet when it is words I want to hear that are spoken by one I feel close to, and want to know better, I have a tendency to overlook the actions that follow.
I can only have faith that my trust will not be misplaced.
As usual, time will tell the story.
Mother nature is fooling us this month, as it is normally April 'showers' that bring May flowers.
Now that spring hikes had begun for me, this feels like a step backward, which I hope is only temporary.
I need to be surrounded by nature as I feel the waves of grief resurfacing.
Melancholy feelings are conjured with this change in the weather, and with the realization that the nine month anniversary of my mother's death will soon be here.
The sympathy cards are still on her desk. I'm just not ready to lay them to rest. Lately, I have been strong and it hurts to give in to the grief.
Socializing with friends, both new and old, while enjoyable, as it was this evening, cannot seem to sustain my spirit when I then return home to be alone.
Unpredictability, when it is negative, is never welcomed.
The weather is not in my control.
Other people's actions are not in my control.
I can only be responsible for my own behaviour and how I respond to others.
I was always of the belief that 'actions' speak louder than words, yet when it is words I want to hear that are spoken by one I feel close to, and want to know better, I have a tendency to overlook the actions that follow.
I can only have faith that my trust will not be misplaced.
As usual, time will tell the story.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter morning
April and Easter, spring and rebirth; this is my most favourite time of year, even though brilliant autumn leaves, white winter snow, and hot summer days/starry nights are all special to me.
Not everyone celebrates this holiest of seasons.
I do. Not always in church, however.
Last year on Easter Sunday my Mom enjoyed a family gathering at my younger brother's home, with three of her children, and four of her grandchildren, as well as some of my brother's in-laws. We all laughed together creating a fabulous day.
No one knew it would be our last Easter together or the last time there would be any kind of celebration in that home.
Life is unpredictable, in both sad and happy ways.
When I least expect it something magical happens restoring my faith and opening doors to possibilities, similar to that first Easter morning so long ago . . .
Not everyone celebrates this holiest of seasons.
I do. Not always in church, however.
Last year on Easter Sunday my Mom enjoyed a family gathering at my younger brother's home, with three of her children, and four of her grandchildren, as well as some of my brother's in-laws. We all laughed together creating a fabulous day.
No one knew it would be our last Easter together or the last time there would be any kind of celebration in that home.
Life is unpredictable, in both sad and happy ways.
When I least expect it something magical happens restoring my faith and opening doors to possibilities, similar to that first Easter morning so long ago . . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
