Last Love

As the old year draws to an end and the new one is about to begin, I am ready for a new beginning where an ending has occurred in my own life.

For the past few years, I have mistakenly believed that my 'last love' would be my 'soul mate'.

In this the autumn of my life, several months of it have included an attraction to someone who felt familiar, known and comfortable.

His soul was like a mirror to mine, reflecting back to me what needed healing in my own. I did not realize this truth at the time, which often happens without the benefit of 'hindsight'.

This individual guided me through my grief when my mother died, which deepened the bond I felt.

It was a shock; actually paradoxical to me, when I discovered that with all of the comfortable feelings I had for him, passion was not one of them.

In spite of that reality, had he allowed me to do so, I would have continued on that path hoping to fall 'in' love with him.

Knowing my struggle with this paradox of how I could feel such a comfortable connection to this man's soul but not passion for him, a friend of mine recently quoted to me another woman writer's thoughts regarding 'soul mates'.

What resonated with me was the idea that a 'soul mate' is actually someone whose soul mirrors one's own, to reveal what needs to be learned about oneself.

In my case, the familiar depth of pain I connected with in this man's soul, was telling me that mine needed healing. I know that now.

Being a caregiver throughout most of my life, I was not looking at myself, but rather was trying to share my own perspectives which I hoped might help him to heal his pain.

The truth is that only he can heal his soul in his own way and time, should he choose to do so.

My responsibility is to heal the pain in my own soul.

I had already begun this process several years ago through embodying my emotion in the poetry I composed.

Then I continued healing in nature through hiking.

I encompassed this as a 'task', wrongly thinking that the more disciplined my approach, the faster the healing would occur, which has had pros and cons.

The physical effects are tangible, yet the emotional relief is temporary.

In the beginning, I was 'running away' from the pain of my grief while hiking quickly on the earth that grounded me.

My approach has since changed to one of just 'being' in nature while walking.

My blog writing, which began as part of my grief healing process, has now become a passionate pursuit that brings great enjoyment to my life.

With the revealing insight I have recently acquired (thanks to my good friend) and shared here, I am now ready to sincerely thank each 'soul mate' who has entered and left my life for the incredible gifts that their souls have provided to my own.

Additionally, I have drawn closer to the 'spiritual light' that is the most powerful healing tool of all.

Above all else for me, this is my one true 'last lasting love'.

Christmas Blessings

One week today is Christmas!

A few weeks ago I wrote on my website that I was ready to inwardly and outwardly prepare for His arrival.

In the interim, illness has prevented me from shopping, decorating, festive dinners and parties with friends; the outward trappings.

However, I am happy to report that this 'downtime' afforded me the opportunity to be still and listen, to travel inward more easily.

As life would have it, one of my siblings needed surgery during that time and is now recuperating.

My quietness allowed me to send constant healing prayers and positive wishes.

We might not all be able to celebrate together this year yet will be close in spirit.

Now that I am ready to play 'catch up' with some holiday traditions, I found the last Christmas card my mother gave me the year before she died.

Seeing the words of love and well wishes written in her own steady hand brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips.

I could hear her voice speaking to me as I read what she wrote.

Her card is on display with the others I have received.

Her favourite wreath now graces my door. Little reminders of her are all around me.

My Dad is always in my heart, especially during this season.

He was Santa for his family every year throughout his lifetime!

Feeling the 'pinch' with less than a week to go, I expressed my thoughts to my children and their outpouring of support brightened my day.

Messages of faith, hope, love and peace are Christmas blessings which are sent in a multitude of ways, just when needed the most.

Home for the Holidays

Today Elizabeth Edwards died.

Yesterday Mark Dailey succumbed to cancer as well.

They were four years apart in age, both battling illness for several years.

Each was a high profile person in her/his own circle.

Mrs. Edwards was a mother, attorney, author, and the estranged wife of once presidential hopeful, John Edwards.

Mr. Dailey was a husband, father, more than a thirty year veteran of Citytv as the news 'voice' of Toronto, and a former police officer.

They were both American born.

There are many people in this world who die on the days leading into Christmas.

My father was one of those, albeit sixteen years ago on November 24th.

Christmas was his favourite time of year.

As difficult as it is for loved ones left behind at this time of year, eventually the treasured memories one has of celebrating festivities of this season in past years will overshadow the heart-wrenching grief and void felt without this important person's tangible presence on earth.

I recall thinking at the time my father died, and subsequently whenever I hear of others who die during this season, that they have gone 'home for the holidays' where I believe they are welcomed with more love, light, warmth and peace than we can imagine,

. . . . a reunion of souls fit for the 'stars' . . . .