Last Love

As the old year draws to an end and the new one is about to begin, I am ready for a new beginning where an ending has occurred in my own life.

For the past few years, I have mistakenly believed that my 'last love' would be my 'soul mate'.

In this the autumn of my life, several months of it have included an attraction to someone who felt familiar, known and comfortable.

His soul was like a mirror to mine, reflecting back to me what needed healing in my own. I did not realize this truth at the time, which often happens without the benefit of 'hindsight'.

This individual guided me through my grief when my mother died, which deepened the bond I felt.

It was a shock; actually paradoxical to me, when I discovered that with all of the comfortable feelings I had for him, passion was not one of them.

In spite of that reality, had he allowed me to do so, I would have continued on that path hoping to fall 'in' love with him.

Knowing my struggle with this paradox of how I could feel such a comfortable connection to this man's soul but not passion for him, a friend of mine recently quoted to me another woman writer's thoughts regarding 'soul mates'.

What resonated with me was the idea that a 'soul mate' is actually someone whose soul mirrors one's own, to reveal what needs to be learned about oneself.

In my case, the familiar depth of pain I connected with in this man's soul, was telling me that mine needed healing. I know that now.

Being a caregiver throughout most of my life, I was not looking at myself, but rather was trying to share my own perspectives which I hoped might help him to heal his pain.

The truth is that only he can heal his soul in his own way and time, should he choose to do so.

My responsibility is to heal the pain in my own soul.

I had already begun this process several years ago through embodying my emotion in the poetry I composed.

Then I continued healing in nature through hiking.

I encompassed this as a 'task', wrongly thinking that the more disciplined my approach, the faster the healing would occur, which has had pros and cons.

The physical effects are tangible, yet the emotional relief is temporary.

In the beginning, I was 'running away' from the pain of my grief while hiking quickly on the earth that grounded me.

My approach has since changed to one of just 'being' in nature while walking.

My blog writing, which began as part of my grief healing process, has now become a passionate pursuit that brings great enjoyment to my life.

With the revealing insight I have recently acquired (thanks to my good friend) and shared here, I am now ready to sincerely thank each 'soul mate' who has entered and left my life for the incredible gifts that their souls have provided to my own.

Additionally, I have drawn closer to the 'spiritual light' that is the most powerful healing tool of all.

Above all else for me, this is my one true 'last lasting love'.